I Want To Be a Korean Rapper

I have suddenly developed an intense love of Korean hip-hop.

Because of this sudden intense love of K-Pop as it's apparently called, I want to go to South Korea and become a Korean pop star. It shouldn't be THAT hard, right?

In fact, there are a lot of things I want to do right now: I want to redesign my room now that I've found out what a mezzanine is and need one (I don't think my bedroom was designed for a bed). I want a calming space to live in and I so don't have that right now. I hate yellow. My walls are yellow. I hate red. My carpet is red. I hate carpet unless it's extremely cushy. I have carpet that is considerably not cushy. I hate popcorn ceilings. I have popcorn ceilings. My window has a broken pane and was "fixed" with packing tape. The electrical outlets went on strike (except for one scab) and I'm forced to use a surge protector plugged into an extension cord plugged into the kitchen downstairs. It's a ghetto setup for reals.

Part of me just wants to say "screw it" and move out. Far out. Hence the South Korea dreamin'. In fact, I might not actually want to be a Korean rapper. Maybe what I desire is change. I want to get out of this environment and do something cool. I feel like a muggle. I want to hang with the cool, unsupervised kids who have to save the world or something (I didn't read the books, okay?) but instead I'm stuck with that awful family from the first five pages. I want to get to the part where the story picks up. I want excitement!

I am bored to tears with the life I'm living.

And since I can't exactly afford a trip to South Korea at the moment, I must think of other things to do. Like....Like.....Like.....I'll get back to you on that.

New NHL Format

All right, kiddies. So with the recent loss of my beloved Atlanta Thrashers I can't help but wonder about the other teams now in danger of relocation now that the ball has been officially dropped by our dear friend Gary "No Cookies for you!" Bettman. My suggestion, now that I have no ties to the NHL, is to really shake things up. I say we go on a relocation FRENZY.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

So here's the plan:

Toronto Maple Leafs: So what if they're an Original Six team? Their attendance was low last year and their fans get on my nerves, along with their grammatically incorrect team name. I can think of a city that's been hankering for an NHL team for a while. So we take the Maple Leafs and move them West as they become...the Seattle Coffee Beans! In the sense of teams with stereotypical names I believe the Coffee Beans would be a perfect team name. The city of Seattle could even build their venue right by that giant phallic symbol known as the Space Needle! Make it seven? Revert to 6! The best part of it is that the jilted Leafs' fans will now be forced to cheer for the Ottawa Senators. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I hate having to rake the leafs. Damn nature.

NY Islanders: The New York Islanders have had some ownership and attendance issues that I really don't care to go into because I really don't care. So what do we do? Scratch 'em. They, too will be moved west and become --the Kansas City Islanders! That's right, anonymous Isles' players, none of whose names I can think of at the moment, you get to trade in your Canadian brand Northern Yankee beer for some MOOOOONSHIIIIINE! You'll love it. And the fact that a team named the Kansas City Islanders makes no sense at all really fits the NHL philosophy!

So...that's a picture of Long Island?

Colorado Avalanche: Again, feel really bad for the fans in Colorado, but you've got so much to do in Denver, like....skiing and......snowboarding and.......pot or something. Anyway, pack up your g-strings, Matt Duchene! You're moving to VEGAS!!! That's right, the Las Vegas Avalanche. Again, I'm keeping with the trend of names that don't make sense. The major perk for the city is that you don't even have to build a venue. You can just kick Celine Dion out of her place! It's a win-win!

Sure, let's name a team after a natural disaster! At least this one SPARKLES.

LA Kings: The state of California has three (3) NHL franchises. Three! (3!) Do they really need three? (3?) Since San Jose (Sharks) is considerably north of Los Angeles (Kings) and Anaheim (No Longer Mighty Just Regular Ducks) they will stay put. The contest is now between the Kings and Ducks. The Ducks were named after a Disney movie and NO ONE is allowed to argue with Disney, so they will stay and the Kings will jet East. Can you say HARTFORD? That's right! Another city with loyal fans that were so wrongfully snubbed by the NHL. Not to worry, Hartforders. Your suffering ends! Although, we will need a team name more environmentally friendly than Whalers so, once again sticking with nonsensical and quasi-racist team names, you will become the Hartford Comanches! Not only can Hartforders regain the magic of having people know where their city is because they finally have a tourist attraction, they can also enrich their history of the Comanche Indians from where ever they're from. Dual-purpose!

What kind of team wears purple, anyway?

Now, readers, I'm sure you're wondering what with all these cross-country moves how the new divisions will line up. Well, I'll tell you: We're gonna scrap 'em! We are starting all over. In the New and Improved NHL there will be 15 divisions! That's right, 15! Two teams per division and they will play each other 82 times, alternating cities each time. The division leaders will get a playoff spot.

One day's worth of travel in the New NHL

And again, with 15 teams in the playoffs I bet you're wondering how that will work. Well, the first place team will have the luxury of playing themselves in the best-of-7 series in the first round of the playoffs! We will split the team right down the middle. So if the Vancouver Canucks manage to pull off another President's Trophy we can finally split up those freakin' Sedin twins in something other than the NHL All-Star Exhibition I'm Just Here for the MVP Prize Game.

Seriously, they need to stop being so creepy.

My hope is that, since they have that freaky twin thing, they'll keep accidentally passing to each other. No one will score and the games will go on forever because, did I mention, we're getting rid of overtime! So that best-of-7 series could in theory go on forever because no one can score. They'll be playing 24/7 and the season will never end. EVER! Ahhhhhhhh, good times.


Now, all we need to do is get Mr. No Cookies for You on the line and feed him the new business plan. Who's with me?

This Was Written to Pass the Bloody Time

Since I randomly decided to brutally overtake my kick-ass yet confusing Blogger template with a much less exciting yet more understandable Blogger template, I thought I might as well post some sort of...post to commemorate said happy, happy occasion.

And since my computer's clock says 12:03am, thus making it not Mardi Gras anymore, I can't say and/or do the things on this blog that I could've done just a mere three minutes ago. Sad timing there...

Anyway, I'm not a particularly religious person (maybe I'll explain why in another post, but given what I wrote on my spanking new About Me page, that most likely won't happen) but I do very much appreciate the time of Lent: where devout Catholics willingly give up something they enjoy, be it a bad habit, or a particular food, or activity, for the sake of proving their devotion and ability to resist temptation. All for the love of the Jesus.

I commend all the hardcore Catholics who can pull off such a feat, which for the normal, undevoted sinner can be as hard keeping their New Year's Resolutions. For those who manage to pull off their Lent promises or whatever they're called: I am truly jealous, thus adding more sin to my pile.

So for the sheer, self-annoyance of it, I, a devout non-Catholic, will give up something for Lent as well. And this one is a doosie, because this is something that pretty much defines my life, and existence. Something that without it, I would feel incomplete. That's right world: I'm giving up PROCRASTINATING.

Just in time for my new About Me page in which I so proudly proclaimed my procrastination. I even hailed myself as a Professional Procrastinator. This will be a true test of faith, self-ability, endurance, and any other trait I don't have but will list here for the sake of listing.

How will I do this? When I have a task, I will do it. I will not make excuses. I will not put it on the back burner and completely forget about it until it's almost too late. I will sit my ass down and work until it's done. Which most likely means I will not be wasting as much time on the internet/staring at telly as before.

Imma duke it out. Let's hope I can pull it off.

And for the record: How is my Resolutions coming?

They isn't...

Maybe this midnight epiphany will change that.

Insomnia Can Be Inspirational If You Let It

I can't sleep. So today, I've joined Twitter (already regretting it) and 750words.com. My horoscope says I need to do something. So I'm doing something. I'm writing, mainly because it didn't tell me what it is I should be doing. What kind of anonymous internet horoscope doesn't know what's going on in my life? It's sponsored by Yahoo! and with all of the internet spying and Facebook internet security leaks, they should know a lot more. I've already mentioned in an earlier post how much I hate anonymous internet horoscopes, but still.

Anyway, I'm bored, I'm exhausted, and I can't sleep. So soon, I'm going to start writing articles about the news, vaguely inspired by The Onion, and more inspired by Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! No reason, really. Just because I care. I'm also going to start exercising again, because I'm bored, and cleaning my room obsessively, because it's about time I have a crutch I can count on.

To recap:

I'm an insomniac (not officially diagnosed).
Twitter sucks.
I shall write, damn it.
I shall exercise, too, double damn it!

Random Glory

A few days ago, I got a new idea for a story. It's about this woman who's trying to figure out the history of everything, etc. It oh so vaguely resembles the Lara Croft series, but not really. Anyway, I was so exited about the idea.

And today, I just found a website explain exactly what my unnamed character is trying to do. It's called The Origin of Language. I haven't started reading it yet, but it seems so interesting and right on the head of what I was trying to do. Way to make my job so much easier. I didn't even go out looking for this, it just showed up on the MyYahoo homepage. Interesting. Sometimes, something good does come out of those irritating modules.

I still don't know if it's legitimate or if this guy's a total nutcase. Either way, it's good luck for my new story.

Hurrah for serendipity!

The Library is Your Friend

Especially when you have no money and they've finally started buying movies from this century.

Everything at the library is FREE, all you have to do is return it on time. The only bad news is that sometimes the books smell like disinfected cigarettes and sometimes the DVDs skip, not to mention the CDs which I don't think are ever updating, and when a new book is brought in it takes forever for it to reach my hands.

But all of that fails in comparison to the fact that it's FREE!!!